How to stand up to a bully and why

This week, Olivia Julianna stood up to a bully and won!
Applause all round for the eloquent and witty 19 year old showing how to treat misogynistic bullies trying to silence you by shaming you the easiest way they can think of.

Teenager 1 – bully 0!

What happened

Matt Gaetz, alleged pedophile and sex trafficker, insulted and body shamed Olivia Julianna, an abortion rights activist, as widely reported in the traditional and social media. Ms Julianna is currently 19 years of age which she used in her retort after Gaetz tried to bully her a second time:

Who is Matt Gaetz?

He is the son of rich parents, a full out Trumpist (who sought a preemptive pardon from Trump last year) and member of the GOP whose brand is based on stirring up trouble.

Gaetz is still under investigation for sex with an underage girl. He recently voted AGAINST sex trafficking legislation AGAIN. Who knew!

Gaetz is a bully and a coward. He still has not had the courage to get back to Julianna himself. Make of that what you will.

Why is it important to stand up to a bully?

The most important reason to stand up to a bully is to call out their behavior. They may not stop with the behavior or may even become vindictive. However, often, they will stop because they never had any push back (Is Gaetz one of those cases? It appears so.)

When calling out bad behavior, others (including bystanders) will take note. It will give them an example that standing up for yourself is possible and (in some cases like here) leads to positive outcomes. This increases the chances that in a similar situation, the next person will speak out and hold their own.

Last but not least, it gives you self-esteem. You know that you did the right thing in calling out bad behavior.

If you can use humor and also maintain the moral high ground, perfect!

What was the outcome for Olivia Julianna?

Julianna used the newly found limelight to fund raise for abortion rights. By now, over US$1.8 were raised!!

Additionally, Julianna has been interviewed by prime time national television stations (starts at 12 minutes 50 seconds in) and newspapers, received messages from political figures including Hillary Clinton and met with many others in person such as Beto O’Rourke. She now is a public figure to be reckoned with.

If you want to support Julianna, then head over to GenZforChange and contribute to a better future for everyone. This fund splits all donations evenly among 50 local abortion funds across the United States.

Following this fantastic story and continued activism of Olivia Julianna, I wonder how much better life would be if we all stand up for ourselves a bit more often. Speak up when an injustice is done. Call out when we see or experience bullying.

What will you stand up for?

How to get on top of your paperwork

This week I received an unusual amount of post. Yes, paper letters sent in the post still appear to be a thing. Who would have thought. You are right in thinking that by far the most of them are related to some sort of bureaucratic, admin or otherwise tax issue… because it’s always tax season somewhere.

So what to do?

Deal with it! That’s the only way to get through it. When paperwork arrives on your doorstep, you have a few ways of dealing with it. There good old fashioned procrastination, but this won’t get you far and the original issue will only come back bigger and badder to bite you later on.

You could wait until tomorrow because you are tired after a long day at work and I do understand that feeling all too well. After a long 12 hour shift on your feet, admin is the last thing on your mind.

Last but not least, you can open the letter, read it and think about your approach to the topic at hand. Mind you, the issue or topic here doesn’t even matter when I think about admin. All of these pesky little things can grow into big issues if not addressed in a timely manner. So: deal with it.

Why?

If admin feels like this big burden, it does so because it is. Often, paperwork (including the digital variety) is often put in place to make life harder for you. As an example, think of insurance forms and contracts. No insurance provider will ever close a contract with you without knowing that they will make money off you. They are experts at estimating what they need to charge you so that they will not ever lose out. That’s their business model. The same is true of governments and taxes; of universities and their fees; of your entertainment provider and your online subscription. It is really hard to deal with it and often takes a long time.

That is exactly the reason why you should be on top of your paperwork and always knowing where you are at. It benefits you!

It benefits you and it benefits your wallet.

It benefits your wallet because if you never fall in arrears, you will never need to pay late payment fines. In addition, if you sit down and have a clear overview over your finances, you may find that it is cheaper to save up for a rainy day fund for when the boiler breaks instead of having super expensive home insurance. Be honest to yourself: when have you done this calculation the last time?

As a rule, I calculate insurance cost and compare to the cost of new appliances etc every time I move (about every 4 years). So far, I have saved approximately $200 per year in home insurance just because I found out that a new boiler was cheaper than insuring – if you think 5 years ahead. That is when I started my rainy day fund. Instead of paying into the pockets of insurers, I paid into my own account (separate from every day spending) and now have enough saved up to replace pretty much the entire contents of my flat. Mind you, I’m not rich and don’t own a lot.

The other main reason is that it benefits your state of mind. Knowing that you are on top of everything gives you peace of mind, reduces stress and (some say) helps you sleep better. In addition, having a good filing system (online as well as offline) means you never stress or waste time finding the important document you need. You are more likely to have a clean desk which in turn has been found to reduce stress.

How and where to start?

First up: if there are any legal procedures you are involved in (never mind in which capacity), these have to be dealt with immediately. Read through the paperwork so you know what is expected of you and when. Don’t let it slide. If need be, get help.

Second: Urgent issues like replacing the broken boiler are dealt with immediately. Don’t waste time on whining or complaining – simply fix it. That is what the rainy day fund is all about. Get things fixed so I can focus on my life.

Next, you need an overview of where you are at. What issues are outstanding? What renewals are coming up? Which ones are late? How much do you pay for everything.

Once you have an overview and know the size of the task at hand, prioritize the individual tasks and work through them methodically. Most important one first, then the next one and so on. In my case, I often put tax matters on top since they are the most impactful item in my life. As long as my taxes are reported and paid on time, I generally don’t have a lot of other important items. Being on top of my finances in terms of knowing how much comes in and how much goes out on a regular basis, is my second most important item. Then come renewals of all sorts, monthly bills etc.

Last and (nearly) most importantly: it needs to become a habit!
Opening the post, email or phone message immediately and reading through the first time is of paramount importance. Read it a second time and if it’s something easy, simply go and do it. Then file the incoming message, file your response and sit back knowing that this task if off your to do list.

If the paperwork takes more time to digest then please take the time to think about an appropriate response. Ideally, you will take a decision on how to respond with a calm mind rather than shoot from the hip. Always be mindful that reacting without thinking can backfire. Still, you need to respond and I generally set Wednesday evening aside to deal with more complex issues. Having a specific time slot in my diary set aside for it, I never feel like I don’t have time to deal with it. It also means that I can reach out for help and receive a response before the weekend. Again, it’s my way of taking pressure off important admin tasks in order to reduce stress.

If you have old paperwork collecting dust in a corner or a myriad of emails that need to be dealt with, then the same process applies:

1. Get an overview over how many outstanding admin tasks
2. Prioritize the tasks appropriately
3. Take action on each task until you are through it all

Once you are done working through the heap of paperwork, do everything you can to turn it into a habit. You can do 30 minutes a day or one evening every week or (shame on me) every Saturday and Sunday afternoon until you are at the bottom of the pile and all your paperwork is caught up.

Whatever works for you to turn admin into a habit, do it. You may even try different approaches until you find what works for you. The important thing is not to stop and to keep at it. You will get there in good time.

What to expect as result

Ever since I started to make a conscious effort to be on top of paperwork, I’ve noticed that my life is calmer. There is a lot less drama, no tight deadlines to get something done just in the nick of time. It is generally a lot more peaceful.

Furthermore, I don’t stress anymore. If my housing agency manager tries to bully me into changing the agreement, I know the details of the existing contract, my rights as a “customer” and where to find help against his tactics. Easy. All the paperwork is ready and lined up. Freedom!

It was a long journey and I am glad that I started with small actions which over time formed into good habits and have help me save time, money and reduce stress. I recommend you try it too and see how you get on.

Which good habit will you start with today?

Learn to think. Then go and think yourself to a better life!

I’ve recently read the book “de Bono’s Thinking Course” by Edward de Bono. Turns out, I wasn’t proficient in thinking yet. This is important to me because making good decisions based on thorough analysis leads to a better life.

Then I ran into issues with my website and I definitely needed to think fast. Initially, I tried to fix it myself given that I have learned a lot about it this year. Then, the website completely disappeared due to a technical issue and I knew, I can’t fix it myself and had to ask for help. This also was a decision which I took based on knowing that I don’t have the expertise to fix it myself. Part of thinking is to understand the information you have at hand and what is missing. In this case, an expert fixed the issue and all is well again.

Why is thinking important in your life?

Being able to “think well” is always of benefit. It will help getting tasks done quicker at work or help you understand your friend’s point of view and are able to offer good advice or allows you to deal with official matters (insurance claims, taxes, applying for a student loan…) much more efficiently. Every area of life can benefit from better thinking.

Most importantly, it allows you to analyze and question your own beliefs and biases. This may just open your mind to new experiences and ways to view the world. As a result, you will be open to new opportunities and you can then plan to seek out those opportunities which will benefit you the most.

Types of thinking

Before going any further, it may be good to point out that there are different types of thinking, some of which may come more natural to you than others.

Daniel Kahneman’s book “Thinking fast and slow” is a prime example of a book showing different ways of thinking. Then there is critical thinking which analyses a given hypothesis and data set. This is generally the type of thinking we come across during our school years. Critical thinking is often contrasted with creative thinking which is often used to come up with novel ideas.

New business products and services are always in demand and they are the only way successful businesses stay in demand. The challenge is that it is hard to come up with new products which have never been seen before. After all, critical thinking which judges something that already exists, will not be enough at the early stages of coming up with creative ideas.

Small actions to take today to become a better thinker

All types of thinking can be learned and improved with intentional action. It also does not matter what education or certifications you have already. All that matters is your interest and willingness to improve your thinking.

If you are like me and have never needed to think about thinking, I recommend starting where you are and analyzing how you think at the moment. What type of thinker are you? How much time do you take to come to conclusions? When was the last time that you consciously changed your mind on an important topic? Have you noticed a difference between your approach to thinking and other people’s approaches? Which type of thinking would you like to improve?

Once you know your current thinking style, it’s worth learning about this style to see if there is anything you can improve upon it. I surely learned a lot from the “Thinking Course” book. When you are happy with your main thinking style, I suggest branching out and learn more about the thinking techniques which come less natural to you. I bet that with a little practice, you’ll get better and as a result, your life will get better also.

I encourage you to learn about thinking and better your life.

Sleep: a luxury or a necessity?

Last night, I couldn’t sleep. I don’t know why but sometimes I find it really hard to sleep well. I go to bed, I’m tired and looking forward to a good night’s rest. Yesterday, I still looked forward to it about 2 hours later when I check how long it’s been since I went to bed. My next move was to start reading. Yesterday, I read for only 45 minutes but previously, I managed to finish a whole book before sunrise and getting up groggy and disheartened.

This is annoying, frustrating and maddening.

It’s frustrating because I didn’t even drink coffee yesterday. I went to bed at my usual time, followed my usual bedtime routine and it still didn’t work. Two hours into lying awake and listening to the muffled night time noises, I even got up and took a dose of Melotonin, in the hope that it would help me enter that elusive dream land. I did fall asleep for a little while but kept waking up sporadically.

Why am I so frustrated by insufficient sleep? you ask.

I am frustrated because I have been cleaning up my old bad sleep habits over the past few years. I actively went out there learning why sleep is important for physical health and mental health such as your mood. I read up on the healing process which only takes place during deep sleep. I learnt what to do to get good sleep from blackout curtains to the right temperature for sleeping to eye masks to using blue light blocking glasses before bedtime etc. Keep in mind that a study found that “restricted sleep affects facial appearance negatively and decreases others’ willingness to socialize with the sleep-restricted person.

I felt I was doing all I can. So what went wrong?

Simple. Stress and bad habits. Better said: stress and one bad habit which seems hard to shake off. My main vice has always been to push late into the night, go to bed too late and not getting enough sleep. I was forever trying to finish something even if there is very little chance that it will actually be done without needing rework. Last week, I had two nights in a row doing that when my partner and I published our first video game. It felt great at the time to finish something we had been working on for a long time. However, I’m pretty sure this has thrown my circadian rhythm off kilter and I’m still suffering the consequences even if they weren’t noticeable immediately.

Did you know, it is just as important to go to bed at the same time time every day than it is to get up at the same time every day?

So my intention is to go back to good sleep habits and go to bed at the same time every day once and for all. I even set an alarm clock for bed time starting today 🙂

Are you happy with your sleep? I hope you are but if not, what will you do to improve your sleep?