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New Year’s Resolution – or – No Year’s Resolution?

After a long two COVID years, it’s again the start of a new year. What will you do this year? Set another New Year’s resolution or not? Will you simply revisit last year’s? Or will you change the type of resolution you have made in the past?

There are so many different ways of looking at this topic and I’ve been there, done that, tried pretty much all of them. I guess you may have tried them all or most of them as well. Do you have a favorite amongst the resolutions?

As for me, the most successful years where those where I had a guiding thought of where I want to get to. It mattered less whether I would hit my goal exactly as planned as long as I ended up in the approximate ball park of where I wanted to end up – or somewhere better.

Yes, there have been years when I was so focused on a goal that I actually missed out on something better. Of course, there were also years in which I didn’t focus enough to even fail. I merely fizzled out.

So what will I do this year, you ask?

For 2022, I have set myself 3 goals: one for my health, one for quality time spent with friends & family, and one for my job (aka get one). I see all these three areas as equal in my life since I don’t feel my best if either of these areas is lacking.

My goals are definitely achievable (as long as I keep working on them regularly) and will bring me joy at every step of the way. I’m a big fan of enjoying the journey as well as reaching the goal itself, so I have broken them down into smaller steps or mini goals which I can achieve (on average) weekly. If nothing else, I have something to celebrate at the end of my week when I take stock on where I am.

Most importantly though, these goals are part of a bigger picture. I want to be healthy, so I need to live an active life with daily exercise, home cooked food and steady, good habits. The goal of loosing 3kgs this year is not for the sake of loosing weight, the point is to incorporate long term habit changes that will stick and will lead me to a healthier lifestyle. It will also dovetail with learning how to cook which started during the first COVID lockdown. Once COVID will be over, I can then transfer my skills to spend time with friends & family at dinner parties and family gatherings. It feels like a win situation from every angle.

That is the spirit of New Year’s resolutions: having a direction and planning the steps towards a life that feels better to myself. Speed is less important than continuously striving for it, making the necessary changes, maintaining or adjusting the changes and turning them into habits. Also, noticing when milestones get achieved is important. Simply by writing this short article, I’ve achieved my week’s goal. Easy!

It may not be everyone’s idea of a great resolution but it is mine.

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Go get vaccinated and get your life back

Vaccines save lives! Your live, your friends’ lives and your families’ lives. It even saves your neighbor who annoys you all the time – they will get saved too.

If you haven’t received the vaccination yet, please go and sign up to get it ASAP. 

Why should all the other peeps get to do all the fun stuff? 

Going out, meeting friends and family, partying all night long or just sitting on a park bench and watch the world go buy. It’s all so much easier without the fear of catching a damaging virus which could impact your life for months and months and months.

I’m registered on the waiting list and it looks as if I’m only going to get in August / September. That means I’ll have to stay mostly indoors and forego eating out, swimming, gym classes and so much more. Trust me, if there was a (legal) way to pay to get the jab sooner, I would. Not that my meager savings would get me any higher on the ranking as I am already – but I’d try anyway. That’s how keen I am on being fully vaccinated.

Most of my friends and family have both injections already or are waiting to receive the final one. I’m green with envy! Not green like the Hulk… worse… I get angry like Rhod Gilbert. If you haven’t heard of him yet, have a look to find one of his videos.

With that said, go and get your vaccine until we are all ready to leave COVID behind.

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Dovetailing

It’s the start of my 10th week in lockdown with strict rules whereby I can only leave my flat to buy food or medication at the nearest shops. All other outdoor activities will be fined heavily.

As mentioned earlier, I’m lucky in that I still have my work and no dependents to look after. Still, sharing a small apartment with my partner does at times cause friction. Sometimes it’s over the smallest thing such as which flavor nachos will we have with our chili beans. Before the physical distancing came into place, it was never a problem because we could go to different shops and sample all sorts of flavours, shapes and sizes. Now we are stuck with only a handful of options ranging from the my favourite with the short ingredient list to the one where E numbers and chemical ingredients which I never heard off dominate the 21 long ingredient list.

I’m not saying that just because a chemical is denoted as an E number that it will cause harm. For example E160c which gave the nachos is beautiful colour, has currently no link to adverse side effect in humans.

What I am talking about is two people coming to the same conclusion and being happy with the outcome. I want fewer ingredients and my partner prefers “the better ones”. So what’s the best way to decide which ones to buy?

After discussing the topic every time we encountered different preferences, I thought a different way forward is needed. Why is there a need for one of us to miss out at all? There must be a way of getting around the topic.

As it so happens, we have another sticking point also. I prefer to cook a big pot so I don’t have to cook from scratch every day whereas my partner prefers to cook fresh every day. Since I’m the one who is the chili chef in our household, I choose the big pot. Yes, I like chili a lot and could eat it (nearly) every day. As a result, we generally end up with two days worth of beany goodness and this is where the solution lies.

Ultimately, I suggested each time we have chili, we get one pack each – I get mine and he gets his – and we have half a pack of our own choice on the first day and the second half of our own choice on the second day. Solved! This is called dovetailing: finding a solution whereby everyone gets what they want without negatively impacting those around.

I’ve used this technique for about 20 years now ever since I came across it in the book “Getting to yes” and it works small wonders. The trick to it though is to understand what each party wants and I mean really wants. Not what people say they want but what they really really want.

My suggestion is you go and try it out in an area where it doesn’t matter much just so you get some experience with it before you move on to using it with your boss or your loved ones. Where do you think you can use dovetailing as a technique to get your way and letting everyone else get their way? Do share in the comments below on what you are planning to do or how it turned out.

Remember: Keep washing your hands, keep distance and keep looking for ways so that everyone gets what they want.

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I’m sorry

Last August, I wrote a post on consistency and that I had a grand plan on being consistent from then on. Well, as you know, that didn’t happen. Not even a bit… and I’m sorry about that.

I regret having stopped writing and for not giving you something to read. It was my mistake entirely and I don’t have any excuses for it. I found a good new job for which I needed to relocated into a country. I was enthused, happy and had a new start or so I thought. It didn’t quite turn out that way with house hunting, settling into the new job and settling into the new city. That’s why I don’t know why I didn’t continue writing throughout this transition since it has always been a way of dealing with stress.

More importantly, I didn’t even write once I noticed how long it had been (4 months at that point) and I know exactly why that was: I felt ashamed and embarrassed. Least logically, I thought that I’d be judged harshly. Why I imagined that given all your kind and thoughtful comments, I don’t know.

I’m sorry

It must be annoying to you, my dear reader, to have me drop off the radar – especially after my last post. If I were in your shoes, I’d be disenchanted to say the least and I concede any disappointment with my lousy performance.

I let you down by promising to write regularly and immediately broke this promise. That’s so much worse then stopping because I intended to do exactly the opposite. I’m sorry. I know it will require hard work hard, stability and regular posts to regain your trust and readership.

So, from now on, I’ll try again to bring some consistency to my life and this time, I’m prepared for life taking an unexpected turn or two. Yes, I’ve started to set 30 minutes minimum aside (more at weekends) to write, improve the site and get back to you. It’s based on the “keep the chain going” thinking that I’ve stumbled across and find useful. In addition, I have a couple of hours at the weekend to catch up in case the daily 30 minutes is not possible on any given day.

I hope you can forgive me, keep coming back and continue reading.

 

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Wash your hands, stay home and do a good job!

Everyone is saying it and I’m sure you’ve heard it a thousand times already: the small actions which currently matter the most are to wash your hands, keep your hands away from your face and physically distance yourself. Yes, physical distancing is the name of the game and it’s working. Just look at Italy’s and Spain’s figures. The Wuhan province of China is even opening up again – albeit under some constraints.

Personally, I can’t wait to be allowed out for my daily morning run. I’ve been in my small apartment for over a month now and yes, I’m as stir-crazy as everyone else. What’s worse, I feel as if I’ve run out of things to do which don’t bother my downstairs neighbors. My neighbors are lovely and I want to stay on good terms so I won’t be jumping rope, or jump for any reason whatsoever.

Having said all of that (and stopping the whining for a moment), I’m one of the lucky people who have a job which allows me to continue working from home. I say lucky because not only does it provide me with income but it also gives me something to do. Having something to focus on and to complete every day really helps me to get through the very long lockdown days. Time flies when focusing on doing the job at hand and especially when I focus on doing the best job I possibly can.

What’s important to me about doing the best job I can is the fact that not only does it benefit the people around me (first and foremost my boss) but it also benefits me. Yes, by helping others around me, I get to know them better and build stronger relationships with them. I also learn more about how my organisation operates which can only be a good thing in the long run. Most importantly, I’m increasing my skillset by doing more than my day to day job and getting feedback and input on how to approach new tasks. I learn as I go along, show up well and get a reputation for being a good team member, a good project manager and a good leader. When was the last time an opportunity like this was handed to you?

Let me be clear: I am not calling the pandemic a good thing and I am looking forward to a more normal life again. Given the situation though, I am making the best of it and try to use the time wisely. I know that if your situation is different e.g. you have to look after your kids at the same time as appearing professional in a video conference call, then it will take a strain on you. If you have lost your job and your income, it will stress you out.

What I am saying though is that by focusing on what you can control in that situation, it will be easier to deal with it and it may provide you with opportunities in the long run.

That’s why I encourage you to go and do the best job you can and offer others your help if you have a job and as a result, learn something new. If you are out of a job right now, take it as an opportunity to learn something new and upskill yourself. Normality will come around soon enough and any time investment now will pay, no matter how small off in the future.

If you don’t fancy a standard 9 to 5 job or want to change career or always fancied knowing more about some exciting niche topic but you haven’t found out what it is, well, then find out what you actually want to do with the rest of your life and take action. This may lead you to take a course that gets you started on this journey. Or you could contact an expert in the field to get an insight into this field. Or you could read Wikipedia or a book on the topic. Or you can do this at work, through your hobby, through volunteering or via the many (often free) learning platforms that are out there. Whatever takes your fancy, do the best you can to get you a step closer to your goal.

All of this may sound like a lot of hard work, yes, it is but it is also a lot of fun.

Remember: Focusing on doing the best job you can ultimately makes you a better person. It also makes you happier because you get to know more people, it increases your self confidence because you know you are good at what you do and it gets you talking to more people which helps in dealing with physical distancing. It also makes you more valuable on the job market, better skilled at dealing with a wider variety of situations and more resilient.

Most importantly: it makes time pass faster and in a more interesting way and more enjoyably…. And it keeps your hand out of your face!

So, go, wash your hands and do the best you can on every task!