Month: April 2022

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Follow others and like them, speak your mind!

Last week, I talked about finding your path and if you need help on the journey, to look up and look around you to find the signs that can help you find your goal. Then this week, I saw a quote by Rod Serling which caught my eye:

“A sickness known as hate; not a virus, not a microbe, not a germ – but a sickness nonetheless, highly contagious, deadly in its effects. Don’t look for it in the Twilight Zone – look for it in a mirror. Look for it before the light goes out altogether.”

Rod Serling


I was in awe! The reason why I was awed by Serling’s comment is the fact that I believe he is right. Hate has dire consequences irrespective of context. It can be as horrific as full blown wars like the war in Ukraine to micro aggressions at home or in the workplace. The consequences are always bad.

That is why we have to be determined not to give in to hate ourselves. I for one know that I dislike certain people’s behaviour. For example my neighbour who sued me over a leak which should have been addressed by the building administration years before I bought my flat. Incidentally, I had arranged to fix the leak in the same week they went to court. Would I go as far as hating them though? No, I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t hate them for two good reasons.

First, hating someone sucks energy and I’d rather spend my energy on positive actions in my life. Everything else is just a waste of human life in my opinion.

Second, hate never leads to positive outcomes. Whilst not being a friend of using generalisations, I use the word “never” with purpose.

Hate never leads to positive outcomes!

What to do instead? you ask.

Speak your mind!

Rod Serling spoke out about racism and war. Likewise for us, it is critical that you speak your mind. If you feel someone was unkind towards you, speak your mind. If you notice injustice, speak your mind. If you see anything wrong, speak your mind.

You don’t have to be mean about it. It’s important though that you speak your mind so that the other person (and society) knows. Then it is up to them to respond.

Likewise, speaking your mind can be a collective action such as in the Black Lives Matter movement. Every single person who participated in the protests spoke their mind. After all, it is a conscious decision to walk with the movement.

Furthermore, if you speak out yourself, then others will see you speak out and are more inclined to speak out also.

Another one is to try and be patient. It’s not always easy but if someone cuts you off in traffic, just let them get on with their day. Chances are, they either have a real emergency or they have miserable lifes and need this little boost to feel better about themselves. Simply be the better person.

Sidebar: this is not an invitation to let others walk all over you. You can be patient and nice without being a doormat. Setting clear boundaries and expectations is often all that was missing in interactions with others.

Also, whatever the situation, do not give in to hate based on stereotypes or based on “us versus them” thinking. This is the quickest way to deteriorate to full blown confrontation.

Be kind, be patient and speak your mind about what’s wrong.

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If you are stuck, look up and find your sign

I left home when I was a teenager and needed all the help I could get. The biggest help came from advice my mother gave me. She drove me to the airport and whilst lost in thought when finding my way, she told me to look around me, to look up and find a sign. Surely, there would be signs to tell me where I have to go… and yes, there were signs and plenty of them. I had no trouble finding flight and start a new life.

This advise has been the best advise I ever received. I still use it to this day when I need a pointer in the right direction. Of course, the use of smartphones has reduced the need for physical signs somewhat. However, there are enough situations when I’m not clear where to go or which path to follow e.g. when trying to find my way to the correct room at university on the first day. In these cases, I always go back to the original premise: look for a sign.

Also when travelling, even if I don’t speak or read the language, it helps to have a map and compare the symbols and names to what I see in the real world.

Road Sign (Photo by Wilson Vitorino from Pexels)

Besides, since I started looking around more often, I now often see signs, posters, notifications which I find interesting or sometimes even impact my life. One example was a small note on the building entrance informing me that the water will be shut off next Friday morning and the exact start and end time. Another one was advertising the local Santa run in December which I wouldn’t have found out about any other way. It pays off to look around.

Try it for a week and see what signs you notice if you look out for them.

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8 weeks and counting…

8 weeks ago, Russia attacked Ukraine AGAIN. They expected a quick takeover of the country given the state controlled media opinion.

Fortunately, Ukrainians are fighting back and fighting back strongly. They know they are fighting for their lives and for their freedom. If they loose, they will loose everything – not only their homes and their money but also their lives, their families, their future.

There is a lot of talk of what may come next. Nobody really knows. We only know that it won’t be good or asked for and that it won’t stop anytime soon. Officially, the war will have gone on for 8 years and 2 months this coming weekend. This is too long.

Please continue your support for Ukrainians because if Ukraine falls, we may be next.

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The Easter bunny and keeping religion out of it

Disclaimer: I am not affiliated to any religion, faith or believe. Never have and never will.

Yesterday was Easter Sunday, the day when a dead person supposedly returned to living on earth for 40 days to then enter Heaven. To me, this sounds too much of a Zombie or ghost story to be realistic. Not to mention the pagan roots, the bunnies who bring eggs and the huge marketing push to buy chocolates. However, a lot of people globally see it as part of their believe system.

Chocolate Easter bunny Photo by George Dolgikh @ Giftpundits.com from Pexels

I firmly regard one’s believe to be a personal matter not not one of public importance. I don’t mind what people believe in and I don’t think other people should interfere in my personal believes.

I understand that live is not always easy and the hope to have a better life after the current one is an appealing proposition. However, many benefits can derived from congregating with like minded people rather than the specific believe itself according to a review on Skeptical-Science.com.

The main problem with religion as (I see it) is the division that comes with it. How many wars were lead to force one religion onto so-called “non-believers”? How many are still being fought today? Why do we still think in terms of “us” and “them”?

Wouldn’t it be better to think of everyone as an individual and in terms of their positive contributions to the world? I think so.

I think the world would be much better off if we focused on each person’s actual actions instead of what they say whilst congregating or showing off their faith. After all, if you really believe in your religion or faith, surely it would be sufficient to live by it; you wouldn’t need to showcase it.

So next time you see two people or communities or countries during a confrontation, look at what they do and listen less to what they say. Does it still look like well meaning religions, faiths, believes?

When US Evangelicals change laws to take away health care from people because it is their believe, does that make you think of a loving, wholesome religion?

That is why I would prefer it if religion or faith or believe is kept out of public life – because it makes things worse, muddies the waters and divides people. Keep religion and faith going if you like, practice it if you like but don’t bring it into public life and force it onto others who don’t want it.

Let’s start NOW. Let’s keep religion out of conflict and out of public life.

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How do you want to be treated when you are old?

Yesterday, I visited my 90 year old grandmother in her old peoples home. Whilst we stay in touch via handwritten letters, I hadn’t seen her in person in 3 years. I was surprised how well she looked for her age and how she was able to be part of the conversation.

One reason for not visiting sooner was definitely COVID (which she contracted and overcame last year) and the resulting travel bans in 2020 and 2021. Another reason is that part of me was worried that I would react badly to seeing her in this setting or not being able to have a conversation with her. And what would I do then? Just sit there in silence and stare at her? After all, I only know her as a strong, independent and caring woman who always looked out for me.

Old woman taking selfie (Photo by Edu Carvalho from Pexels)

The visit was lovely and we had a nice chat where I talked about my most recent activities, what I’m planning for the next few weeks and also some old memories. For example, my grandmother and I had been writing to each other consistently over the last 25 years. I recently scanned all letters and was surprised how many there were. She talked a little less and it was clear that after an hour, she was a little tired.

When leaving the home, I wondered whether I would ever end up in a similar place and how I would feel living there. Would there be anyone visiting me? Or would it be more like the movie “Grandpa’s Great Escape” where a senior is trying to break out of an people’s home? For me, it’s too early to tell.

What about you? How would you like to be treated when you are old?

Really, take a moment and think of the oldest person you have know or interacted with – have ever seen. What went through your head? How did you speak with them? What about?

Now put yourself into their shoes and imagine how life will be like.

I imagine myself being active into old age doing what I do now. That means I have to prepare for it. One way to prepare is to keep (or get) fit and strong, another is to cultivate social contacts, friends and keep in touch with people I’d like around me in old age. I’ll also need to keep learning new things to exercise the mind since I want both body and mind to be functioning as well as can be expected.

Most importantly though, I’ll keep visiting my gran. I do this to be a role model to my nieces, nephews and cousins who are a lot younger and may get inspired. I mainly do it though to keep her company, since this is how I’d like to be treated were I in her position.