It’s the start of my 10th week in lockdown with strict rules whereby I can only leave my flat to buy food or medication at the nearest shops. All other outdoor activities will be fined heavily.
As mentioned earlier, I’m lucky in that I still have my work and no dependents to look after. Still, sharing a small apartment with my partner does at times cause friction. Sometimes it’s over the smallest thing such as which flavor nachos will we have with our chili beans. Before the physical distancing came into place, it was never a problem because we could go to different shops and sample all sorts of flavours, shapes and sizes. Now we are stuck with only a handful of options ranging from the my favourite with the short ingredient list to the one where E numbers and chemical ingredients which I never heard off dominate the 21 long ingredient list.
I’m not saying that just because a chemical is denoted as an E number that it will cause harm. For example E160c which gave the nachos is beautiful colour, has currently no link to adverse side effect in humans.
What I am talking about is two people coming to the same conclusion and being happy with the outcome. I want fewer ingredients and my partner prefers “the better ones”. So what’s the best way to decide which ones to buy?
After discussing the topic every time we encountered different preferences, I thought a different way forward is needed. Why is there a need for one of us to miss out at all? There must be a way of getting around the topic.
As it so happens, we have another sticking point also. I prefer to cook a big pot so I don’t have to cook from scratch every day whereas my partner prefers to cook fresh every day. Since I’m the one who is the chili chef in our household, I choose the big pot. Yes, I like chili a lot and could eat it (nearly) every day. As a result, we generally end up with two days worth of beany goodness and this is where the solution lies.
Ultimately, I suggested each time we have chili, we get one pack each – I get mine and he gets his – and we have half a pack of our own choice on the first day and the second half of our own choice on the second day. Solved! This is called dovetailing: finding a solution whereby everyone gets what they want without negatively impacting those around.
I’ve used this technique for about 20 years now ever since I came across it in the book “Getting to yes” and it works small wonders. The trick to it though is to understand what each party wants and I mean really wants. Not what people say they want but what they really really want.
My suggestion is you go and try it out in an area where it doesn’t matter much just so you get some experience with it before you move on to using it with your boss or your loved ones. Where do you think you can use dovetailing as a technique to get your way and letting everyone else get their way? Do share in the comments below on what you are planning to do or how it turned out.
Remember: Keep washing your hands, keep distance and keep looking for ways so that everyone gets what they want.