Last week, love was in the air… and in post boxes all over the country. 14th February is the day when many celebrate Valentine’s Day. It is generally seen a day celebrating love or more specifically, romantic love. Cynics generally frown upon it as a day of pure consumerism. Looking at the Valentine’s day data and statistics on presents, expectations and experiences, this is easy to understand why.
That criticism seems to call for the obvious action of not joining in and ignoring the day completely. This, to me, is a little cheerless given the sentiment around the tradition. When I say tradition, I am talking about the current tradition of sending a sweet card or having a lovely time with your loved one. I am not thinking of the Roman or Christian or other historic roots which not many people know about and which are no longer acceptable in today’s world.
Coming back to our current interpretation of Valentine’s Day, this opens the question: what other choices do we have and what other actions can we take?
Personally, I wish everyone I see a happy Valentine’s Day. In previous years, I sent Valentine’s Day e-cards to friends and family. It saves trees, is a good chance to catch up and brings a smile to their faces. Even though some paper cards are doing a pretty good job of receiving – better said giving – smiles too. It is also a reminder to think about interactions with people throughout the day rather than a frantic race to beat the crowds to the last bouquet of long stem red roses of just the right kind of red.
There are even groups who take it one step further and turn Valentine’s Day into an opportunity to do good and help others. I am in awe of anyone who has their first date on Valentine’s Day in a homeless shelter or a soup kitchen or an old people’s home. Do send me your story if that is how you met your soul mate.
Focusing on a specific romantic relationship you may find (or found) yourself in, you may want to do nice things for each other and they don’t have to have anything to do with Valentine’s Day. What’s wrong with offering a foot rub or a hot chocolate in the evening? You may even ask yourself “What’s the best that can happen if…?”
You don’t even have to wait for Valentine’s Day or do a Jekyll and Hyde by changing for only one day. Make it a habit for a month or two and see what happens. How about reserving a table at his / her favorite restaurant mid week or bringing home flowers. My suggestions is to choose their favorite flower rather than the easy option. Or bring breakfast to bed – ideally without crumbs.
The best book I ever read on the topic is “The 5 Love Languages”. It was recommended to me by my mentor who is using the suggestions in a male dominated, high stress, high pressure environment and it has been the single most impactful piece of advice I have received from him. The point here is to make your other half feel valued and loved. It is not about the money or showing off or getting the red of the roses just right. It’s all about them – your loved one, your better half, your soul mate.
All of these are small actions that matter a lot and they can be performed any time and are more important than the big ones. After all, the wedding or the day you met your loved one is only one day but “Forgettable Wednesday” will come round every week. What will you do for your partner on Forgettable Wednesday number 217? That’s a little over 4 years into the relationship. Will you still be talking about the big day or is it more likely you will all be wrapped up in day to day life?
Back to topic though. Valentine’s Day is a day to show your appreciation of your partner. Sometimes they drive you crazy and sometimes you ask yourself why have a relationship in the first place? They are messy and hard work and frustrating and sometimes all three all at the same time. Sometimes, you even get hurt or your partner cheats on you. More on that topic in two weeks time though.
The good news is that relationships are good for you, make you life longer, healthier and happier.
In conclusion, cook a nice meal for your loved one. Yes, Valentine’s Day has come and gone for another year and life is back to normal. This should not stop you from surprising your partner or just being nice to them. Just do it. Make their day and in return they may just make your tomorrow.